Taffy
by GoesKaboom
Summary: Due to a cooking experiment of Tobi's gone awry, the Akatsuki finds itself in a rather sticky situation. Crack oneshot.


Taffy

**Note: I do not own _Naruto_, although I did once have a dream that I won the rights to it in the lottery. No copyright infringement is intended. **

There was no question about it- Deidara was in a sticky situation. Literally. There was taffy _everywhere_. And he had a pretty good idea as to who was behind it. "TOBI!" he roared, attempting to lift his foot from the sticky glop of bright blue goo that was keeping him stuck to the floor. As expected, it only seemed to get him more stuck. "_TOBI!_" he yelled, more insistent this time. The orange-masked man poked his head around the corner and clapped his hands.

"Oh no, sempai, you found my surprise for you before it was ready!" he cried. "You found the taffy!"

"What?" Deidara asked, confused. "What do you mean, this is a surprise for me?"

"You seemed depressed recently, so I wanted to make sure that you'd be happier!"

"That's all well and good," Deidara replied. "But you need to help unstick me-un!"

"That I can do!" Tobi said cheerfully, running forward, then stopping abruptly. "Hey... wait a minute... how did the candy up on the floor?"

"I don't know and I don't care! Just get me out!" Deidara screamed. "This taffy is everywhere! It's in my pants! It's in my shoes! _It is in my hair-un!"_

"Don't worry, I will help get you out," Tobi said, running forward. Suddenly, it seemed as though he was moving in slow motion, then ground to a stop.

"Uh...Tobi?" Deidara asked.

"Sorry sempai," Tobi replied sheepishly. "Uh... I think I got stuck too."

"How useless can you be-un?" Deidara asked, a hint of anger giving his voice a hard edge. "Oh well. It's only a matter of time before someone else comes down here to pull us out."

"Hopefully they will show up soon," Tobi remarked. "I don't like this... it's sticky!"

"You should have thought of that before you decided to be an idiot and leave it lying around!"

* * *

An hour went by, and no one came to the kitchen. Deidara was starting to get angry. "Tobi, if you hadn't done this stupid taffy experiment we wouldn't be in this mess!"

"I'm sorry, sempai... I wanted to surprise you, only I guess it didn't work," Tobi apologized sadly. Deidara felt a slight twinge of sympathy for Tobi, and almost said something to comfort him, but caught himself just in time. Instead, he just made an irritable grunt.

"Hrrmph."

Meanwhile, an unsuspecting Konan was walking down the stairs and heading for the kitchen, completely unaware of the sticky, gooey death-trap that was lying in wait. Deidara heard her footsteps first.

"Oh no..." he breathed. "_Stop! Don't come in here!_"

"Watch out!" Tobi yelled in warning.

"Huh?" Konan asked. Not realizing what she was doing, she stepped right into the midde of the taffy quagmire. "Eurgh," she said, trying in vain to lift her foot. "What is this stuff? It ruined my house-shoes!"

"Taffy," Deidara said, as if that explained everything. When all he got in response was a confused look from Konan, he elaborated. "Tobi's cooking project got out of control, and now we're stuck. Looks like you're going to be here for a while-un."

"Haven't you tried to stand up?" Konan asked.

"Tried it, got even more stuck," Tobi replied.

"Great..." Konan sighed. "There goes an entire afternoon. I had plans! I really needed to go water the garden, and see if the hot peppers were ripe yet! Then I was going to to read a book in the shade! I was just coming in here to get the watering can!"

* * *

The three of them sat in silence for about five minutes when a certain loudmouthed religious fanatic tripped and fell head-first into the goo. "Mrrmph!" Hidan yelled, his voice muffled by the taffy. "Mrrmph! Mrrmph! Mrrgh!"

"He's lucky he's immortal," Konan remarked, offhandly. Evidently Hidan heard her (even though his ears must have been clogged with taffy), since he flashed a rude hand gesture at her. Konan just rolled her eyes.

"Whatever, Hidan," she replied.

"MRRRRPMPH!" Hidan loudly mumbled.

A moment later, Kakuzu came looking for Hidan. "We have a mission to go on! Get your lazy butt out from wherever you are hiding!"

"He's in here!" Tobi called. "But I don't think that you'll be able to go on that mission..."

"What are you talking about, Tobi?" Kakuzu asked irritably, stomping into the kitchen and promptly getting stuck. "Oh."

"I think it's too late to warn him about the taffy," Konan said. Kakuzu glared.

"You could have told me before I walked in here and got stuck!" he shot back, annoyed.

"Sorry-un," Deidara apologized. Kakuzu just glared at him angrily.

"There's no point to fighting," Tobi said, trying to calm tempers. Fighting in the midst of the taffy quagmire would only lead to disaster... it would be a much better plan to make sure everyone was as relaxed as possible.

"Mmrph!" Hidan mumbled from inside the taffy. It broke the tension.

"At least none of us ended up like Hidan did!" Kakuzu laughed.

"I thought I had it bad when I had a bit of taffy in my hair!" Deidara exclaimed. Suddenly, the kitchen door opened again, and a bleary-eyed Itachi stumbled into the sticky mess.

"Will you idiots shut up?" he demanded, not noticing that he was stuck. "I was up until 4:00 AM on that stupid mission! When I got back, I had to take a shower and fill out paperwork! I didn't get to bed until 6! SHUT UP!"

"Uh, Itachi..." Konan muttered. "Look at your feet."

"My feet? Why?" he asked. He looked at his. "Ew! What is this stuff?"

"Taffy," Deidara sighed. "We're all stuck-un." And so Itachi joined the party, too tired to fight his fate as one of the taffy-ed.

A few hours later, a very hungry Pein was walking backwards into the kitchen, while shuffling paperwork around. He tripped on the rug and landed flat on his back in the taffy.

"Oh, nice of you to drop in," Konan said lightly.

"What is this!?" Pein asked in shock. Everyone gave a collective sigh of annoyance.

"It's taffy, alright? Taffy!" Itachi explained. Pein wrinkled his nose in distaste.

"I always hated taffy," he sighed. "Even when I was a kid I hated it."

"Just sit back and relax," Deidara said. "I think we're going to be here for a long time-un." And they were. Four more hours went by before Kisame came into the kitchen for some water in the middle of the night. Unfortunately for him, everyone at that point had dozed off, and no one was awake to warn him.

"WHAT THE HECK!?" he yelped, up to his knees in goop.

"Whuzzgoinon?" a sleepy Itachi slurred. Deidara's eyes flew open.

"Hi Kisame!" he said brightly.

"Deidara, what the heck is this?" Kisame asked. "What is this, and why can't I move?"

"It's taffy, OK? It's my fault!" Tobi finally yelled. "I'M SORRY!" Tobi's outburst brought the attention of Zetsu, who wan downstairs and stopped just short of getting stuck.

"Hey! Taffy!" he exclaimed. "Can I eat it?"

"Please, eat it!" Itachi begged. "We're trapped! You could probably free us!"

"That I can do!" Zetsu said happily, and got to work.

* * *

Two hours later, everyone was free and Zetsu was stuffed. "Oog. I never want to see any more taffy again!"

End

Author's Comments-

While I was typing this up, an ice cream truck went past my house. Being the snack-crazed idiot I am, I grabbed a roll of dimes and chased after it, leaving this up. When I came back, the fan had blown something onto the keyboard, and so I had a line of gibberish following the actual text. I should really learn to lock the computer when I'm going to go chase after things...

Anyway, this is just a bit of K-rated humor. A certain person has been on my case to write more stuff that is accessible for all ages, so I did. I actually really like this piece, which is strange for me. When I write stuff with a rating under T, I usually don't like it much. But this one is light, humorous, and cute. And full of taffy. OM NOM NOM.

-Kaboom


End file.
